well...i know its been a while again..oh well......i dont feeel the need to update everyday of my life...the only reason i am now is casue its sunday and i am extremely bored......not alot been going on.....finally through half of the semester at sosu....which i ahve to to say has gotten alot better...i have actually made friends ...ppl i can call if i want to do something..and ppl who call me and invite me to do things.....i think i might stay there till i graduate...and i went and looked at their biology department to see how far behind i woudl be if i swtiched majors..and let me tell ya..i woudl be so far brhind its not even....so i think i am gonna stick with coaching......i mean i really want to be a PT but i dont have the time and not near the money to go to PT school....its kind of a harsh realization....but its the truth.....so coaching it is ...i think....

on another note....about 3 weeks ago...i went to austin with jimmy. john, and heather....it was awesome..we went to see the Ut game..whcih they beat the living crap out of rice...which was a given.....but austin was great....after the game we went down 6th street and got to go to some of the places that u might have seen on this years real world...so taht was kool....that right there is the real college life...it woudl be so awesome to live there....i wish we had something liek taht around here.....and i have been going clubbing alot lately.....going to calhoons has become a normal thing (does that make me a loser).......when i say normal i mean like twice a month......but ummm this last weekend i went with kelsi.lynda, and clint to club uropa down in deep ellum....that was badass.....very loud....but badass and they had a awet t-shirt contest....a few fatties but mostly hot chicks...that was kool.......but other than that..its just been school for me...i am still waiting to start at best buy....i dont knwo why..but i am fairly excited about it....its werid...i am excited aobut work....maybe casue i feel it might open a few windows for me....new friends...a steady pay check....jsut seems like it will be a good positive thing

anyway...thats about it up to now.....if i forgot anything...sorry....leave me some comments

so yeah i am back a day later.....read it while u can..who knows when i will take another three month break...haha

so kelsi called me today at about 11Am....she didnt make it past the first round....she was trying out for amiercan idol and i honestly thught she had a chance...i mean when i first met her i had heard she coudl sing but i didnt think anything of it....but then i went with james and hanah to her graduation where she sang..and i was blown away...i had no idea she was so good...but she was.....so when she said she was going to those audititons i was for sure she would atleast make it past the first round....but she didnt...but thats ok casue we still love her...lol...we still think she is amazing...

by the way...i must say i really liek ahving hanah and kelso around....they ahve turned out to be great....they are prolyl some of the best friends i have right now....for obvious reasons some of the guys in the apt dont talk to me much anymore...but i guess its my own fault.......i am just glad those two girls are here....they have become important to me....they are great...i am alwasy here for u guys......

u know..it sux to lose friedns when they move off.....especially when u are jsut getting to know them really well and then they leave....me and alison became good friends before she left...and i have to say i do miss her at times....but i know she is having a blast at OSU....go cowboys....

on another note....i have been thinkin alot lately...about my future and stuff...and man...i have been on college two years already.....i will be done in the next 4....depending where i want to stop my education......and i dont ahve much time left...lol....i feel like i have nothing to show for my life..lol.....liek i ahvnt done much....i feel like time is going by to fast....i know i am only 21....but 2 years ago i had my life pretty much planned...i was gonna be engaged by now...married in the next two years...and have my first kid by twenty five atleast and now all tat seems so far away.....i jsut cant see myslef fallin in love and gettin all those feelings back anytime soon.....part of me watns it all back...but part of me keeps thinking...whats the point..it will jsut fail again.....after having so much...something so deep...and then have it all jsut dissapear is kinda depressing..like it seems pointless to try anymore......there is jsut so much i want right now....so much i still want to do....i jsut feel i am running out of time....i dont know...maybe i am talkign crazy......but who knows what could happen...my life coudl change tomorrow

sorry if i forgot anything....let me knwo if i did.....it will give me a reason to update again..haha...later

yeah yeah...its been a while..i know.....i jsut dont see the point in updating everyday...oh well...

i last left u by saying that i was going to warped tour....well we went and it was pretty badass....lost of bands i didnt know...but some i did know...it was realyl freaking hott though...i mean like 100 was the temp and in the mosh pit it was aobut 110.....yeah really hot..but i have to say that Hawthorne Heights was my fav band....i got into the most with them.....i saw jessi and jake there and courtney...which was pretty kool.....we got there about 11 ish and the damn line was liek a mile long i swear....but we had all been up since 330am cuase we work at fedex so we were all spent by like 3 or 4....i mean i was literally drained of all energy...i had nothing left to give..haha....it was a good fun time though......ok well that was firday night...saturday night we had the party taht we had planned for like 3 months...it was for mine. james, and slims b-day ....it was really great...everyone was drinking and having a great time....well me and hanah got into a bit of an argument...it was between me and her...voices were raised....so james took it upon himself to step in and try and push me away and one thing lead to another...and i swung and connected.......it was one of the bigger mistakes i ahve made...and it was all becasue of alcohol....i havent been drunk since that night......i felt really bad for doing it....but deep down a small part of me fells like he deserved it...i mean i know that no one deserves taht....but there was alot of pent up anger and anguish behind that..not jsut the arguemnt that took place.....i do regret it...and wish i coudl take it back....but not all of me feels that it was wrong...maybe i am wrong for sayin that...but tahts how i feel....but for what its worth...i am sorry james...

so yeah....that night made me realize that i needed to slow down...i had hit rock bottom....so i havent been that bad sicne...i wont say that i havent drank..casuae i have....but not liek taht....i dont think i want to get like that anymore...hell i didnt even get like that on my 21st b-day

so i finally finished at grayson....took my last summer class...passed with a C and graduated with an associates of science.....first degree in my family...i knwo its only an associates and its only grayson...but i am proud to say that i was the first in my family....i still have atleast one more degree maybe two...i am thinkin about going to medical school but i dont know yet....coudl u imagine that....Dr. Ricky Fernandez....lol...thats a funny thought...yeah go ahead and laugh..u knwo u want to......so now i am at SOSU which isnt turning out liek i wanted it to....i thought i woudl meet all kinds of new ppl and make new friends...but i didnt..i havent....i go to class M-W-F from 8am to 1pm and jsut sit there and take notes..dont really talk to many ppl.....its weird....i jsut thought it woudl be more fun thats all....but it isnt.....oh well i guess i jsut have to deal....

so i had the best weekend of the summer about 2 weekends ago.....it was great..and it was so great casue it was all unplanned.....i decided to take off friday and leave thursday to abilene....to see my brother and help him move again...well i get there about 7 or so...and i am hanging out with roland and evan calls me up and says hey i am hving a party at my house tonight..u shoudl come...so i asked roland if he was ok with that..and of course he was..it was late and we werent gonna do anything....so i head over to evans about 930ish...and it was fun..saw a few ppl i knew...and lots that i didnt....drank a lil bit.....and slept on the couch...nothing to big..but it was fun....well before i lay down to go to sleep evan tells me that him and some friends are gonna go float the guadalupe river the next day and camping out tehre for the weekend and he said i coudl go if i wanted....and i wasnt gonna go...cause the whole reason i was there was to help roland move....well i told roland baout it and he said i should go casue i may not get to do it again...i felt bad..but iw as so glad i went....it was about 4 hours to get there...but it was worth it...i rode with kimmie and canon.....it was the best time i had in a long time.....i drank alot of beer (which i dont drink)....and i didnt get drunk...it was weird..i eman i could keel it...but i never got drunk....we camped out and cooked out and all that good stuff.....we ended up making friends with the ppl beside us...which was realyl kool....they are all from midwestern state in witchita falls....so shout outs to kenzie, gena, jenn, jennifer, and michellle.....sat we started floating about noon....and started drinking of course on the river....some guys on the side had a kep set up on a platform and let me do a keg stand....30seconds....go me..haha...it was fun...well aboutr 5 hours into..i was on my stomach on the raft...and we hit a slow spot ni the river..and i laid my head down..and fell asleep on my raft for like 45 minutes...some guy woke me up asking me if i wanted a beer....haha....i had floated away from the group so i started swimming backwards to find evan and the others...finally found them...and about 2 hours later we finally got off the river...seven hours on the river can drain u ....but it was great....so we haeaded back on sun and made a wrong turn somewhere and it took us 5 and half hours to get home..yeah that sucked...then i had to turn around and drive from abielene to sherman...so yeah...almost 10 hours on the road on sunday...it blew..but was well worth it...def the best weekend i have had all summer......

so lets see...me and the fam went to abielen againt last weekend to see roalnd cause he got a call that he is going to afganistan(spelling?) thsi saturday....which blows..they told him he woudl be in the shit...whcih sux....everyone throw down a prayer for him...i would like to see my brother again.....so we went to see him before he left...whcih was great....we actualyl hugn out this time..and my niece is the most beautiful baby ever....lol....

well ur caught up now....got any questions??...ask away....sorry if i left anything out guys